Spying on Your Kids: 80% of Parents Track Their Children's Locations and Online Activities [Survey]

Do you believe developers creating tracking software for kids' devices can be considered an invasion of privacy?

I do think tracking software on children's devices hedges toward an invasion of privacy. I am not sure tracking software meet the legal criteria of invasion of privacy, but it does represent an invasion of trust. Parents and children establish a sense of trust by having a strong relationship. If parents have to rely on tracking software to verify a child's truthfulness of where they are, then something is broken in the relationship. Kids have a right to be kids and sometimes that means being places unsupervised. Tracking software is not a resolution for a poor relationship.

What effects, if any, can constant surveillance have on a child's development?

Constant surveillance undermines a child's sense of autonomy and self-efficacy. Kids need experience managing situations on their own to feel self-efficacy, that they can control the environment. When kids are deprived of these opportunities of managing on their own, they become fearful, anxious, and indecisive. In order for kids to become successful adults who can manage life, let alone adversity, they need those opportunities to resolve situations without parental intervention.

Do you have any tips for parents wanting to keep their kids safe in the digital age without invading their child's privacy?

First, parents need to be reminded that our world is safer now than in the past. Occurrences are so rare that they get sensationalized by news media when they do occur.

Second, parents need to give kids chances to interact in the world without their intervention. Have kids order on their own in restaurants. Have kids purchase something in the store or do some grocery shopping on their own. Have kids go to the movies with friends on their own. Have kids play on the playground without parental hovering.

Research is consistent that kids know what to do when they receive inappropriate solicitation via digital contact. Parents should have conversations regularly about interactions online. Just like parents get to know face-to-face friends — parents can inquire about virtual friends as well. The best tracking software is a strong relationship.

^{Some responses may have been slightly edited for clarity and brevity.}

What effects, if any, can constant surveillance have on a child's development?

Parental control apps are only one way children can be surveyed and monitored. The ability to monitor our children and the expectation that our children are being watched and monitored has been happening for years. For example, it is no longer acceptable for children to explore cities or towns or freely walk or bike to friends’ houses without adults supervising them. This has been true for years and I do think it has limited children’s ability to have independence and explore the world on their own terms.

Parental control apps like Life 360 are a way of monitoring and tracking children while they are separated from you. In that way it gives children more independence than if you insisted that they are always being directly supervised in person. However, it is usually used for older teens who, in previous generations, would have been able to drive, explore, and have adventures without any parental supervision or without their parents knowing where they are. Life 360 is simply an extension of the norms that have shifted around parenting. It is hard to go against these norms because parents have been trained to think that supervising and knowing where their children are is a sign of good parenting. I tend to think we are not going back unless there is a huge change in parenting norms where “free range” parenting becomes more normative and acceptable.

In terms of the direct effects on children’s development of Life 360 – I think there are advantages and disadvantages. Advantages include the fact that parents may actually allow their children more freedom to have adventures and explore (e.g., take a train into the city with friends) if they know that they will be able to know where they are in an emergency. I think it is useful when children are new drivers to be able to see where they are and how fast they are driving. I think there is also an advantage because children can track their parents and know where they are if they need something.

The disadvantages are the same as the disadvantages of our general cultural shift toward monitoring and surveillance. Children may feel as though they are being micromanaged, they may be given the message that the world is not safe and that they cannot have freedom unless they are being monitored.

I admit that both of my teens are on Life 360 and I think it is useful as they are new drivers. I don’t think there are negative effects on them above and beyond the more general negative effects of living in a culture where children are given less freedom to explore independently overall. Putting them on Life 360 has corresponded with an increase in freedom and autonomy for them because they are now driving and going places without adult supervision.

However, I think there are also disadvantages for the parent. Since I can track them I find that sometimes I watch them as they are driving. This simply causes me stress and anxiety. I have found that I am a much happier person when I am not checking Life 360 when my children are driving and simply trust that they are driving safely and getting where they need to go.

I think the calculus is different when children turn 18 and move out of the house. When my son goes to college, especially since he won’t have a car, I am thinking of turning off Life 360. This is more for my sake than for his. He said he doesn’t care and it doesn’t bother him at all. But I don’t want to spend my time checking to see if he is going to class or wondering if he is spending too much or too little time in his dorm or too little time in the library. I think this will cause me undue anxiety and I do think that he deserves some privacy.

Do you personally have any tips for parents wanting to keep their kids safe online?

I do think there is a real balance between keeping children safe and respecting their autonomy and privacy. I think how much you monitor your children’s online activity depends on how old your child is, your tolerance for uncertainty, and your trust that your child is making good decisions online and you feel they would reach out to you if something bad happens to them online that requires parental intervention. Every parent knows their own child so each parent will make their own decision. However, I think the following are good practices:

1. Set rules for phone use. For example, you may wish to say no phones at dinner or in the bedroom. It is a good idea for phones to charge outside of the bedroom if that works for your family.
2. Have an open conversation with your children about what is and is not appropriate to share online. A lot of this information is already being discussed in schools so talk to your children about what they are learning and make sure they understand the importance of making good decisions.
3. Encourage your children to find ways to set their own rules and norms for phone use. Eventually they are going to have to manage their relationship with their phones as we all do. One of my children voluntarily put time limits for himself on certain apps after he realized he was spending too much time on them.
4. Be a good role model for phone use. If you are on your phone all day that is what children will learn to do. Openly discuss your own struggles with social media and online activity. I recently deleted Facebook from my phone because I realized I was spending too much time on it and it was not healthy for me. I discussed this with my children and they were very supportive and it prompted a great discussion about their own goals for their phone use.
5. Give your children as much autonomy as you feel comfortable with and you feel is appropriate for your family.

^{Some responses may have been slightly edited for clarity and brevity.}